June 27th, 2009

Stratu Unsuccessfully Attempts To Sever Big Toe

Late last Saturday night while entertaining a young lady in my rooms I somehow managed to drop a Wile E. Coyote drinking glass which shattered on the edge of the sink, and a shard of that glass struck my naked left foot just behind the big toe. To my consternation I saw blood start coming out so sat on the floor to examine the damage. I told Jojo that I had cut my foot, she came over and I demonstrated my theory that a paper towel should stem the blood flow. That didn't do the trick so a few more paper towels were applied. They turned red pretty fast too. Jojo went to the bathroom and brought back some facewashers and we soon had those bloodsoaked in no time. They were shortly followed by a bath towel, and even that wasn't up to the job. It was obvious what the next stage of treatment must entail, so we got to it: bandage toe with ten sheets of paper towel followed by wrapping generously with GladWrap, then a few plastic shopping bags taped to the leg with two-inch packing tape. The whole thing turned bright red in seconds, so in defeat an ambulance was called.
We ended up in Prince of Wales hospital where professional examination revealed that the glass shard had severed the big toe tendon but stopped at the bone. So luckily my subconscious attempt to sever my big toe proved unsuccessful. But microsurgery was called for to reconnect that tendon so some powerful anaesthetic was administered and before I knew it I was in the recovery room with a half cast.
At last I was supplied with crutches and free at last. The crutches were fun for about five minutes. Using them to get to the outside of the hospital (via endless corridors that reminded me of a Cold War underground nuclear war defense facility) was fucking exhausting.
So anyway, the past week has been spent trying the patience of new girlfriend and nurse Jojo, alternately hopping and crawling around my (fortunately) small room, watching Flight of the Conchords,  and chasing antibiotics with beer. I find myself envying people who can walk normally. I could do that only a week ago! Now I am a cripple. This Wednesday I return to the hospital to get the bandage and cast off and stitches removed, and find out what happens next, but I was told I couldn't walk on that foot for six weeks. Updates will follow.
Blackguard #2 is so close to completion it's not funny, but will be further delayed only a little bit I hope. If anybody out there wants to get their Father-themed comic strip in there, you still have time. You can email me, Crippled Stratu at sstratu@gmail.com

[Jojo and I took some awesome gore photos of the *crime scene* when we returned to my place Monday morning and it was gorier than we even remembered. Photos forthcoming...]